I am going to start a number of series' and this is hopefully going to become a weekly feature. I'm calling it 'Life Lessons' as of now, I may decide to change it at a later date. It's going to be little bite sized nuggets of knowledge that pack a big punch in getting back on track and making serious life changes.
It's not always about you
You are having a conversation with a friend via instant messenger. The conversation isn't necessarily riveting but it's slow yet steady. After a while you stop getting responses. You wait a while assuming something came up, but after a substantial amount of time you type something else out. Still nothing. You wait some more, maybe they are away from the computer, you type more, nothing. what do you think in this situation? The answers will certainly vary but I bet that at one time or another you would answer: 'what did I do to make this person ignore me.'What about this example?
You run into a friend at work. You smile and say hello and get greeted with a less than enthusiastic remark. What goes through your mind? Could it be something like: 'What did I do to deserve that reaction"I have personally experienced both of these scenarios, and I have at times felt to blame for the other persons actions. It's during times like these when I try to ask myself this one simple question: What evidence do I have that supports what I feel? I'm talking real evidence. Did the other person flat out say 'Yes, it is your fault that I am in a foul mood'? Most of the time you will come up empty handed. Sadly, humans are self depricating creatures. Often we will take responsibility for negative events, especially if they are no fault of our own and even if we have evidence to disprove this, yet often are unwilling to recognize or take responsibility for our outstanding achievements, even if we have evidence to prove we should. The fact of the matter is that there are a million+1 possible reasons for the reactions you receive. Your friend on the computer could have a serious virus that is freezing their computer up, maybe their oven is on fire. Your coworker may have had a fight with their partner that morning or maybe their dog snored all night and prevented them from getting any rest. You aren't a mind reader and most importantly, it's not always about you.
So next time you catch yourself personalizing a situation make sure you step back and ask yourself 3 important questions:
1- Are you making this about you?
2- Is there any evidence to prove that this is your fault?
3- What would you say if a friend were reacting the same way you are to this situation?
Answering these questions can really help ground you and really take a more objective look at the situation. And remember, don't be so quick to assume that you've done something wrong. Use all that energy to focus on all that you do that is right.
